Bertha Burgundy

Several years ago Marian and I decided to buy a rain barrel.  We plant and water quite a few flowers, herbs and tomatoes every summer, and it just seemed like such a good idea.  Its free water and somehow we just knew that rain water would work better.  We were right, and the plants thrive.  The barrel is amazing; ¼ inch of rain will fill this huge barrel that started life as a wine barrel.  When we went to choose her, we could actually smell the Burgundy wine odor in the car on the way home. 

We have a rule in our house; anything that has a certain presence, an aura… a personality… must be named.  We have named our rain barrel Bertha Burgundy.  Big Bertha for short.  Online we saw all kinds of rain collection devices; some were made out of plastic.  Some were made to look like wine or whiskey barrels, and others look more like trash barrels.  Bertha is made of oak, and has the traditional metal bands around her.  She has been retrofitted with a spigot, and overflow outlet, and a small intake that allows rain to run from a flexible downspout right into her big belly.

There have been only a couple times that Bertha has been running low; they say that the Twin Cities have been in a mild drought, but Bertha seems oblivious.  That ¼ inch of rain is not too hard to come by, and the water has helped our tomatoes, hanging baskets, and two large garden areas for three summers.  I, and the flowers, worry periodically about the drought devastating Bertha’s moxy.  She has never failed us yet… and, yet…

I am that rain barrel.  I, too, feel a drought and the danger of running dry.  As a piano teacher, I expend tons of energy (my rain water) on my students.  When they have their dry spells… their droughts… I have to water them.  I have to urge, manipulate and cajole.  I have to motivate them to practice and get them so close to success that they can tell the difference between my “water” and the tap water of trophies and parental mandates.  I feel the of drought most clearly in the spring.  All of the recitals, contests, festivals and major repertoire have been mastered.  At times all teachers feel the weight of pushing their students, up hill and at times, pushing dead weight.  We know the pushing is necessary, and our investments will pay out; but still, the energy saps us, and we feel drained, much as Bertha must at the mid-point of summer (her peak time.)

The rain always comes, and Big Bertha Burgundy is replenished; as am I.

The Ghetto

One of the more interesting elements of music is the principal of dissonance and resolution.  Like a good novel, or a drama, music has to build tension, which ultimately will be treated with the resolution of that tension.  Part of a musician’s study is in how to recognize musical tension, and how to elegantly resolve that tension.  We musicians must become manipulators of that element, and we thus become manipulators of our audiences.  Hopefully we are kind and generous manipulators!

As a full-fledged musician, I totally believe in dissonance and the need for resolution.  I believe in harmony and the life-pulse of rhythm.  I find these elements in perfection within the music I love:  Brahms (God, how I love Brahms), Chopin, Rachmaninoff, and even the curmudgeonly Ludwig van Beethoven and the smarty-pants Mozart.  I’m being facetious; they all were geniuses at building a perfection we rarely are able to find in life.

I have made my life’s work the conveying of musical dissonance, and hopefully, the masterful resolution of all that tension.  I firmly believe that the dissonance that we find in other aspects of our lives is as important as in music.  I also have to believe, then, that every day dissonance can be resolved.  I find that musicians are constantly frustrated with the lack of harmony in life, and the erratic nature of rhythm we find in the people around us.  We instinctively retreat into our music, where we can control things and we rail against the non-understanding we find in non-musicians.  I would like to tell you a tale that not many have heard beyond my closest circle of friends.  This is a true story of dissonance and resolution that I found myself engrossed in.  I believe my heart and mind were shaped by the study of music and by my time practicing the piano.  I think this story is a time when my two hands touched the sky.

Back in 1981, before I had acquired tenure in my position on the faculty of Louisiana Tech University, I put the wheels in motion to sue my university and its president in federal district court.  This probably wasn’t the smartest career move a lowly Assistant Professor could make, but it was my move, and I gladly made it.  At the time I was the College of Arts & Sciences representative on the Faculty Senate.  Interested in the way the elements of the university worked as a whole, much as I was interested in the blending of the elements of music in my repertoire, I became very active in university governance. 

During my second year on the Senate I was alerted to a disturbing rumor.  It seems that the university, in their wisdom, decided that all international students (non-citizens) would be housed in one dormitory on campus.  I immediately didn’t like the sound of this; over a quarter break I took it upon myself to call the housing office to ask the head of that office if the rumor was true.  The person answering the phone was a staff member of the housing office, and he confirmed what I had heard.  I asked a few questions of detail, and he gave me enough information that I knew a basic timetable, exactly which students would be involved in this change, and even a basic rationale. 

After a short period of rumination I decided that I didn’t agree with either the changes being considered, or the rationale.  I called the President of the Faculty Senate to see what he thought; I called a couple of friends that were also on the Senate.  It seemed that a few people were disgusted by this new idea, but that the Faculty Senate had no say in this particular item.  The President assured me that he was empathetic to my feelings, but I should not count on them to make inquiries.

It was at this moment that I decided that I would have to do something, or nothing would get done.  I found the telephone number of the ACLU chapter in New Orleans, and using the “watts line” I called N.O on Louisiana Tech’s dime.  My initial conversation with an attorney in New Orleans was about an hour long.  He took all of my information, gave me an idea of what options there were, and told me, “I’ll get back to you.”  I have to admit, I was more than cynical, and I thought I was probably done with the whole exercise.  I was ecstatic when, a few days later, I received a call from a different man at the ACLU.  He had instructions for me.  I wasn’t qualified to complain, legally, about this.  A dormitory that forced all international students to be isolated from the American students they came to study with did not affect me. 

Before I could descend all the way to crestfallen, he told me that they needed me desperately to do something.  The international students, themselves, were legally qualified to bring a class-action suit against the university.  They needed me to contact students, to have them sign a document that would be prepared at the ACLU, and get the document back to them.  One of my close friends was a professor in the foreign language department; at this point he joined me in my efforts, and sent a student from Nigeria to my office. 

I remember Robert as a gregarious young man, and he fully understood what was required.  Although he expressed a little fear about any retribution he might receive, I gave him the assurances that had been passed down from the ACLU lawyer.  He would find students that were willing to sign the document gathering plaintiffs, and they would come to my office to sign the document.  Before the episode was over I had hosted over 300 non-white, non-citizen foreign students in my office.  I held the document until it was full of signatures, telephone numbers, etc. 

The big moment was when we all met with the ACLU lawyer when he made a trip up to Ruston.  We co-opted a classroom in one of the university buildings and the lawyer explained to everyone what the steps would be.  Robert and one other student were selected to be named on the class-action lawsuit.  Papers were filed in Federal District Court, and the process ensued.  I have still in my possession articles from the Chronicle of Higher Education, the Philadelphia Enquirer and several other newspapers that picked up the story of the International Student ‘ghetto’ planned by Louisiana Tech University.  In the end, there was a consent decree that admitted no malice on the part of the university, but the revocation of the International Student Dorm.  (This would have been the oldest building on campus, and one with no air conditioning in Louisiana.  The building had not been used for a residence hall, but the plans were to reconfigure it, without the addition of air conditioning.)

In the end, I received a call from the Clerk of Court, with a follow-up letter and copy of the Consent Decree.  He told me to watch out for any retribution the university might take against the students… or against me.  I was to call him directly if I suspected anything.

Dissonance-Resolution.  How does one handle these musical elements?  How does one handle the same in a life-situation?  I find little difference in the handling.  This remains one of my proudest moments.

To Touch the Sky

I think the shape of my whole life has been a fluke!  Or, maybe it’s fate… some ingenious design I knew nothing about and had no part in setting up.  I feel lucky, or blessed, but naïve as I am, I have just proceeded with the whole thing, and here I am.

I am positive of one thing:  my life really started with my musical training.  That was all something that I stumbled into.  My little red accordion, with fourteen bass keys, was the beginning.  Or was it?  My mother likes to tell the story that almost as soon as I could talk, I was singing.  Sitting on my potty-chair, “It is no secret what God can do; what he do to udders, he do to you too!”  I almost remember it, but I think that’s because she tells it to everyone; I’ve heard it so often it just seems that I remember it.

So, when the accordion was placed on my lap it didn’t take long for me to hug it and learn to get something out of it.  I didn’t play it for long, due to a move away from the city.  I can’t remember much about what happened, but there I was playing the accordion, and then I wasn’t.  When I was in sixth grade I bought a piano with money that I had saved by setting pins at a bowling alley.  It was really nothing I had thought about much, but when the piano was suggested to me, I kind of went with the flow.  Somehow, right from the first, the piano felt natural to me.  I virtually had no trouble learning to read music, and I loved practicing.  I still do.  I have made practicing one of the focuses of my life.  And I try very hard to teach my students HOW to practice, hoping that they may grow to love it as much as I love it.

I’ve never thought of practicing as being the same as playing the piano.  I instinctively warmed to the process of self-evaluation; of diagnosis; of corrective action.  I loved the repetition, but I don’t think I ever thought of practice as mindless repetition.  I’ve learned that although this is exactly right, not every piano student understands this, or feels compelled by the practice effect.

There was a time, while in the U.S. Army, that I didn’t get to practice very much.  I missed it.  I was in a military occupation that had me working with 1970’s level of computerized equipment.  My job was to maintain that equipment in a high level of order; that equipment ciphered classified military telephone communications and it would have been a breach of national security if the equipment failed.  I had never had any electronics training, and I found myself, the ubiquitous piano major/practice room nerd, studying along with guys that had Electronics Engineer degrees.  I never questioned why I was attracted to this field, or why I was able to succeed so easily in it.  I found out later.

When I left the Army and started graduate school I found that in some mysterious way I had improved at the piano.  I’d had no instruction and virtually no practicing.  I was a little rusty at first, but after a month I found that something had happened.  I even understood music theory better.  It seemed to integrate with my playing; as an undergraduate I had thought the theory just an irrelevant evil that took time away from my piano.  Although amazed, I really didn’t question why this happened.  I found out later.

Soon after I started my life as a university professor in the Department of Music at Louisiana Tech University I began voraciously buying books on music, and specifically books on piano performance.  I went to workshops, conferences and seminars.  I became a virtual convention-junkie.  One of the presenters that attracted me was Seymour Bernstein.  He was a gentle man that seemed to love his teaching and his students.  I witnessed him teaching in a master class; he interacted with the students in such a stunning display that it seemed he had taught them for years.  When I learned that he had just written a book, titled With Your Own Two Hands, I ordered it immediately.  And the earth stood still.

Seymour’s book, I found, was an amazing homage to practicing the piano.  His main premise in this book is that while many people will agree that life’s experiences influence the way one practices a musical instrument, he finds the reverse is true:  the skills gained from practicing influences our lives.  Practicing, for Seymour, is a path to the integration of one’s person.  Wow.  The more I read, the more I loved this book and this author.  I could see, no… I could FEEL so many points he makes in my own experience.  Practicing changes our brain.  Practicing affects our thinking processes, and in doing so, we find we have learned things, approaches, processes that we have never endeavored.  Fingers Dancing has been, for me, a description of how life has intersected with music.  I have often found a relationship of my music, my piano, to other facets of life.  I have described some of these particulars in previous blog entries.  This particular entry is to preface some rather important milestones in my life that came about, I completely believe, as a result of positive changes in my thinking skills due to practicing the piano for tens of thousands of hours.

The title of this blog entry refers to a quote of Sappho that Bernstein places in his book, With Your Own Two Hands:  I never dreamt that with my own two hands I could touch the sky.